I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize