guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
