and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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