So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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