So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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