u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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