I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
