Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
