Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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