I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
