Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to fling myself into the sun
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
