Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
