he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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