I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
