Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
