I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
