I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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