I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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