The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
