Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I could fuck to npr.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
