Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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