Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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