I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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