Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
