I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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