We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
