Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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