i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
