Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
