I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I smell like Dick and happiness
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
