Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just gargled with NyQuil
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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