how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
