You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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