i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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