i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
