pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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