Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
