about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
