I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
