I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
