I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
