My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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