There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
