Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
