Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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