Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
