Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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