Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
