i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
