I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
