I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
