so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
