first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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