Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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