I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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