I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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