I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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