If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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