woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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