He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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