I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
