shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
