Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
