You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
