He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
