I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
