My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
