I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
