had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
there is glitter all over my balls
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