An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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