watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
