Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize