Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
