she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
