i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
