She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
