I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
