I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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