Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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