I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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